How to Attract or Repel a Man in Your Relationship
There's no doubt
about it - expectations run high in new relationships. After all, you've spent
time and energy looking for him and now that it's finally happening your
expectations are for great times ahead. But there is some danger in this and
it's as well to be aware of the pros and cons of high expectations in
relationships. In fact, it's essential that you know how to handle these if you
want your relationship to progress to the next level.
High Expectations can be Dangerous
One of the most
dangerous of all traps is where you fall instantly into relationships. You
assume that, just because you've had a couple of dates, that you two are now an
item. This problem can be compounded where he seems really keen, because it
puts you off your guard. Perhaps he's making all the right noises, even said he
loves being with you. So you think you're "in there" and start making
demands on his time and attention. If you've ever been in a relationship where
your really keen boyfriend suddenly disappeared off the face of the planet then
this probably applies to you. Whatever he is saying, don't assume you're in a
relationship until the subject has been discussed.
Early on, don't
expect him to put you first, spend all his time with you and be introduced to
his family and friends. Expecting too much too quickly can make you sulky,
pouty and a pain to be around. That's strong man repellent early on. Just take
it slowly and let him lead the way. Hold back a little and watch for the signs
of his continued interest and willingness to progress these things further.
Your lack of neediness will usually be highly attractive. Watch out for the
signs that he's pulling back - perhaps you're coming on too strong or he just
doesn't want a relationship. Don't forget that he also has his expectations of
how you will behave and what you will want from him and he may not be ready to
give it or even sure what he wants yet. There is a fine balancing act going on
here for a relationship to be successful.
Low Expectations can be Dangerous
OK, I can't win, I
hear you say - but you will if you stay patient. When you rush you only end up
wasting your time with the wrong men. So, this next bit is really important.
You are one cool, sassy lady who expects to be treated well. Now, you are going
to take your time so you can both get to know each other so that you can decide
whether he might be the one for you. But you are not going to tolerate bad
behaviour in any form. At the first sign, you are going to pull back. So be on
the look out. Does he keep his word when he makes promises? Does he turn up
when he says he will, and on time? Low expectations in relationships can lead
to low standards being accepted and you're worth a lot more than that. Let me
assure you that you don't need a man at any cost. If you don't value yourself,
then you can be sure that he never will.
If he's not letting
you know that he's interested in you, then assume that he's not interested -
certainly not in a long-term relationship with you. So, if you're having to
chase and cajole him into seeing you, come on... you have low expectations and
place a low value on yourself. It doesn't matter how cute he is, your low
expectations will lead to pain and heartache for you, not him. He will perhaps
happily have a fling with you but that will be the end of it. Is that what you
want?
Gently Slowly Does It!
So you will always
maintain your high expectations of his behaviour towards you. And those
expectations that you kept low in the beginning should be raised gradually as
time goes on. As you watch and wait, you are deciding if he is the one for you.
You will make this so much easier for yourself if you have held back a little
from fully giving your heart. Do his actions say that he wants to be with you?
If you've been seeing him for 6 months and he's still not introduced you to his
family and friends then you might have a problem. If he doesn't want to spend
special occasions with you or, if you're still having to entice him into seeing
you, then he is perhaps giving you a loud and clear signal that he's not
interested enough. If he's not progressing the relationship, then it's probably
not going anywhere. If you are tolerating his low standards in the hopes that
he will change then you are partly to blame.
The further on you
are, the more you should be able to expect that he puts you first - not all the
time - but when it's really important. If he's not willing to do this or is
unwilling to discuss it with you, then really it's not working out, is it? It
will help if you can communicate your needs clearly and calmly without emotion
and threat. Only you can judge the timing for discussion of these things but
err on the side of caution early on in the relationship as men are generally
slower to decide they want a relationship than women. His reactions will
generally tell you so much more than his words. If you can learn to balance
your expectations of a man early on and when and how you communicate them, then
the wonderful relationship that you want and deserve is sure to follow.